The Cross-Check: the Official Exclaim! Hockey Association of the Arts National Newsletter

Vol. 1 Issue 2: July/August 2005

Contents

I. Introduction

II. From The Desk of Tom Goodwin

III. Upcoming E!HAA Events

IV. Cross-Canada Cross-Check: team updates

V. E!HAA Player Profile: Patti Schmidt, Montreal Ninja Tune Wicked Deadly Karate Chops

VI. Exclaim! Cup 2006

I. Welcome once again to the Cross-Check, the Official E!HAA National Newsletter. Thanks to all to the positive response to issue #1, and to all the teams who contributed content to issue #2. We’re still looking forward to hearing from teams like Edmonton, London, Boom and a few others…. Unbelievably, there is still a lot of hockey action going on in the middle of the off-season as detailed below. Many of our E!HAA members have, however, hung up the blades for the season and are busy rocking the summer festival circuit across North America and the world. The Morningstars’ Dave Bidini, #17, has published his new book “The Best Game You Can Name” all about the Exclaim! Cup 2004… more about that in the Morningstars update below. So read on, enjoy, and we hope everyone is having a great summer!

II. From the Summer Desk of Tom Goodwin in Prince Edward Island…

Thanks again to Grant for putting this together. The feedback has been completely positive, not to mention the enthusiastic contributions in it. I’m looking forward to reading each issue. I’d like to take this moment to encourage everyone to send us any piece of creative expression you have that we can pass on to our community through this newsletter or our website. The website will be getting a major overhaul over the next 6 months and we’ll conform it to whatever information and creative written, visual and audio pieces you send us. Please send anything you want posted or want to see on the website to me at tom@exclaimhockey.ca.

‘Til next issue,

Tom

Exclaim! Hockey Association of the Arts

III. Upcoming E!HAA Events

Toronto: After a quick two games back-to-back, (the zamboni incident) the GTHLA Summer Fantasy League has now gently eased into it's regular every-other-week groove. So far every team has faced each other once and we now move into the second half of our season. As you'll see from the standings, it's still anyone's league to win. Teammates are starting to gel, goalies are making a huge difference and "Ironman" Ray Henderson has played in every single league game thus far. Everyone really seems to be enjoying themselves and we've already had preliminary discussions on expanding on the Fantasy League for next summer. For now though, we've got the season ending wind-up to plan. Beer and wings it is!!! We'll keep you all updated and please, keep cool.

tommy.

GTHLA Summer Fantasy League Standings
Team	GP	W	L	T	PFG	GF	GA	PIM	Pts
Subtle Tendencies Rhinos	3 3	2 1	0 1	1 1	1 2	10 12	6 9	6 2	5.5 4
Big Stick Possums	3	1	2	0	1	11	12	4	2.5
Gold Records	3	1	2	0	0	11	17	6	2

Peterborough: The Patch Cup is happening this Thanksgiving weekend, Saturday October 8, 2005. We’ve nearly reached our capacity with only one spot remaining in the 60 skaters (3 remaining out of 8 Goalies) registration limit. Entries came in fast and furious with 55 slots filled in the first 24 hours. Pete Gaffney of the Boom was the first "Official" entry hitting the mark right at the Noon call time. 4 Teams will be made up from these 60 skaters and 8 Eight goalies for the 1st annual PATCH CUP. occuring at the Peterborough Memorial Centre (Home of the Petes). Based on a Point system, there will be 3 games inside of 8 hours for each squad with each game ending in a 5 player (from each squad) shootout to determine bonus points. So far we have 6 BOOM, 1 CAPSULE, 3 FRUIT, 3 GAS STATION, 2 GROOVE, 4 GUELPH, 6 JOKERS, 4 LONDON, 2 MORNINGSTARS, 2 OTTAWA, 7 PARKDALE LADS, 13 PETERBOROUGH, 1 PORCUPINE, 5 SGTS., 3 HUMILIATION, 1 WANDERER and 1 WINNIPEG player(s) taking part.

Montreal: On the weekend of November 12 and 13, 2005, the Montreal Ninja Tune Wicked Deadly Karate Chops are still hosting an as-yet-unnamed E!HAA-sanctioned tournament featuring five out-of-town teams, as well as the host Ninja Tuners. Final details are being put in place as we speak. For more information, email jeff@ninjatune.net.

Vancouver: The first annual West Coast Exclaim! Hockey Summit will occur at the Britannia Ice Rink of East Vancouver BC over the weekend of December 16/17/18. The WCE!HS will be a small-scale version of its Toronto big sister, with eight local arts-based teams competing for the Cyclone Taylor Cup. Any E!HAA teams seriously interested in participating should get in touch by emailing gtwelve@aol.com.

Ottawa: The Carleton Cup, aka "The Ultimate Canadian Triathlon" (skate*run*drink), is that race that involves skating the length of the Rideau Canal, making your way safely through the Byward Market in downtown Ottawa to finish by taking a sip of the beverage of your choice at a local watering hole. The 2006 Carleton Cup is scheduled for January 28. For more info, email me_luther@yahoo.com.

IV. Cross Canada Cross-Check: An update on the teams of the E!HAA…

3 Gut Feelings (Guelph): Check out Vish Khanna and his band the Nathan Coles Outfit at this year’s Hillside Fest in Guelph!

ChartAttack Hack (Toronto): ChartAttack Hack team update for summer 2005… #5 Bryan Borzykowski just got engaged! Send your condolences to bryan@chartattack.com… #6 Darrin Pfeiffer would love it if you checked out the bands he manages, Crush Luther (www.crushluther.com) and Summer Hero (www.summerhero.com)… #30 Aaron Brophy hosts an outta control rock 'n' roll boat cruise in Orillia, Ontario on July 16 with The Golden Dogs… The Hack will be celebrating our first anniversary in August, so stayed tuned for more details. There will be a party… Also feel free to check out the rambling blog account of the Hack Hootenanny band's performance at the Bovine during the Cup weekend... http://chartattack.com/hack/blog.htm… Finally, a wee anecdote from #15 Lance Moreton: “I met a real live celebrity! True story: I was taking a squirt in the urinals at Alice Fazooli's a little while ago. I heard someone come walking in behind me and pull up to a urinal. I asked him "Mind if I fart?" He said, "no, go ahead." So I did. Well, it sounded like someone tore a hole in the side of the Goodyear blimp. "That was a fart!" he commented. I then told him "yeah, it was... but now I lost all my back pressure and can't pee any more." He started laughing. I turned, laughing as well, and lo and behold, it was Buck Martinez of Toronto Blue Jays fame”.

Dufferin Groove (Toronto): The Dufferin Groove Hockey Club puts on an outdoor music festival every year at the end of the summer at Dufferin Grove Park. This will be the third annual event which is confirmed for Saturday August 6th. In addition to the three bands representing our team, we often have bands from other teams (Guelph 3 Gut, Parkdale Porcupines, etc.). The whole day 11am to 11pm is usually filled with bands, although the lineup will not be set until late July. For more information, email tim.freeman@sternerautomation.com.

The Ferries (Halifax-Dartmouth NS): Very quiet here currently, as most Ferries having gone to ground with the arrival of a different small orange ball in the sky.

Ferries D-Man Dave Marsh expects to visit some hockey history in July when his retro-MOR outfit Joel Plaskett Emergency hit lovely Dawson City Yukon (home of the Dawson City something-or-others who traveled all the way to Ottawa by canoe to challenge for Lord Stanley’s sherry beaker, way back in the day. They were squashed; just like all rank amateur provincials are today when challenging a Ottawa Hockey Club or any other group of federal boot-lick "Millionaires"). We digress. Have a nice summer. Ferries forward Chris Murphy and his band Sloan will be touring Canada supporting the Foo Fighters.

Flying Vees (Vancouver): As many throughout the E!HAA have already heard, Flying Vees forward Kevin “Beez” Beesley, #70, suffered a heart attack immediately following a Vees game in June. Beez has made an incredible recovery (so far) and has even been playing a bit of ball hockey. Beez would like to thank the many players and friends who emailed, mailed and called with so many good wishes. For the full account of this outrageous hockey heart attack, go to www.thesmugglers.com.

In other Vees news, the team finished our spring season with a flattering record of 11-1-1 but after winning our first playoff game, we were unceremoniously dumped in two straight losses, booting us from the playoffs and up to the cottage much earlier than anticipated.

The Jokers Hockey Club (Toronto): The Jokers Hockey Club spent the month of June gearing up for the RIBFEST remount. After last season's breakthrough BBQ gathering, Jokers forward Paul Irving threw down the gauntlet once again. RIBFEST '05 happened on June 26 at an undisclosed location. Last year's outing was a great success and attended by Jokers, friends and family, including Scott Thompson. It was no coincidence that this year's installment took place on Pride Day and it was certainly be the place to be if you are into meat.

#21 Big Paul Irving grills up the Team Spirit Award at RIBFEST '04.

La Hacienda Flying Burritos (Toronto): Drummer for local punk outfit Brutal Knights and La Hacienda low power-forward, Matt Sharron, has been busy lately finishing the Brutal Knights debut album: The Pleasure As All Thine. The bulk of the album was recorded in San Francisco’s Hyde Street Studio while the on tour in February, and was recently finished at Toronto’s Signal to Noise Studios. The album will be released in July on Deranged records as a follow-up to the Not Fun 7” EP, and TBSL 7” single (www.derangedrecords.com). Check Brutal Knights online for up to the minute updates on shows, releases and such (www.brutalknights.com).

Morningstars (Toronto): After recovering from their disappointing performance in the Exclaim! Cup, the Morningstars moved on to disappointing performances in their league playoffs as well. After achieving second place in the hotly-contested "B2" division of the Downtown Hockey League, the "Red Menace" were eliminated two straight in the semi-finals. It's OK though. Summer is here and the players have moved on more important things: Alun Piggins prepares to cut his gigging schedule to less than 100 shows per year since he and his wife Maureen are expecting a baby this summer; Dave Bidini's book chronicling NHL veterans' stories contrasted with the Morningstars' 2004 Exclaim Cup experience will hit the shelves soon. It’s called “The Best Game You Can Name”. Pick up a copy and look for your name, particularly if Dave slashed you at some point; the team as a whole prepares for the approach of the Morningstars' 10th season. About 2/3 of the current roster have been members since 1996.

Ninja Tune Wicked Deadly Karate Chops (Montreal): The 4th bi-annual Calice De Tabarnac Cup against our NY rivals The Central Park Army, titled the “Colice De Tabarnac”, has been moved to July 16th. Still at Chelsea Piers. If anyone happens to be in NY, come and watch the Ninja Tune team attempt a repeat of the beating they laid on the NY Central Park Army last winter.

3 Gut to the rescue! Due to a couple injuries and some other circumstances we were coming up short for the NY game. Enter Kim, Mark, and Jon from 3 Gut. Coming to NY as honorary Ninjas for 90 minutes of hockey. C division represent!

Ninja team members Jeff Waye and Patrick Curley have joined their record label/licensing (Jeff with Ninja Tune & Big Dada) and legal/publishing forces (Pat with Plateau) to form a publishing & license entity. Primarily focused on generating some more cash for indie bands & song writers that they like. It all kicks off in September. No word yet as to whether Pat's cheap shot on Gary from Alien8 Records will affect negotiations. Any interested parties can contact jeff@ninjatune.net.

Summer league member Sam Roberts was last seen walking off the ice with a mouth full of blood. We're hoping no teeth went missing and that he'll be back in full form (although when it's 30 degrees outside, defending against that guy is a lot of work). Perhaps Juno's should now come in the shape of mouth guards given the amount of hockey cross over in Canadian music.

Parkdale Hockey Lads (Parkdale ON): Now that the humidex has started sneaking into the high 30's and smog alerts are a daily occurrence, it's high time that we begin our off-season, dry-land training in earnest. Seriously. You can join us Lads in McCormick Park on all odd numbered days for a full-on, Soviet Red Army '70 -style calisthenics routine that will leave even the lightest of drinkers and most occasional of smokers barfing after mere minutes. We figure that if it works for everyone else then we might as well get on board. I mean that's what the Humiliation does right? And the Souldiers? You can't tell me that Sgt. Rock wins all those games on skill alone… Right? Guys? Hello?

In other exciting Lads news: Simon Evers recently bought a new house. But not

to worry everyone, he's not moving from his old place/hockey gear storage space across the street from the arena- he's simply moving the world famous Berkely

Stat House to new digs. Happy Renovating Si! On May 28th, flashy Lads forward Fil Freitas hit the big 3-0. To celebrate the big day, his brother and

Lads backstopper Luis threw a surprise party at the elegant Lounge 88 in Little Italy. Hundreds showed up, and after performances by Kanye West, Ashlee Simpson, and a re-united Backstreet Boys,all the guests indulged in Portrtuguese fish cakes and birthday cake. Amazingly, the guest of honour was still able to make it out to shinny the next night. Happy Birthday Fil!

And finally, much to everyone's surprise, Mike Frolick's fish can swim! Or that's what the shifty Lads forward claims. Mike and his lovely wife Jen (who drove a Zamboni for the city last winter, ha-cha-cha eh fellas?) are expecting their first little one. Baby Frolick should be born in early January, leaving plenty of time for him or her to get in shape for the '06 Summit. Good luck guys! The Jr.Lads program: "Here we grow again".

Parkdale Porcupines (Parkdale ON): The 'Pines were very honored to be included in the 2005 Exclaim! Cup. The Boys were mighty pumped opening up the Hootenanny but an ominous tone was set when it was noted that the whole team spent most of that night in the smoking room at the back of the Bovine (heck, with all the recent smog warnings who the hell needs a smoking room for an excuse to choke). Rookie Tourney jitters and charred lungs proved to take there toll on us as our offense dried up with only one goal for the whole Tourney. Excuses aside, we added insult to injury with too many trips to the penalty box. Prickly Porcupines indeed! We've all taken note and will be hittin' the next Tourney with a strict curfew for the young bucks, Skol chewin' tobacco between our toes for the smokers, polishing up the halos for the WWF wannabes and turning the offence switch on high.

But hey, it's the off season and half of us have joined that fun Summer Fantasy Hockey League at McCormick in Parkdale. It's a chance for all of us to rub elbow pads and share stick wax with all the other fine hockey players that make up the Good Times Hockey League of the Arts.

On the home front, many of us are doing our part to bring up the next generation of Porcupines. Our fearless leader Boom Boom Geoffrey and his lovely wife Lisa are expecting their own little Porcupine in December. Looks like we'll be getting close to being able to pencil in a full squad of young Porcupines soon. Our version of the JPs (Junior Porcupines) should be ready for the 25^th Exclaim! Cup in 2023.

In the more near future and on a Rock an' Roll note, the 'Pines that make up CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN, Adam, Ryan, and Scott will be coming together with fellow Porcupine Boom Boom Geoffery to record in August. A set of blues numbers on the Pines' offensive demise at the end of the '05 season perhaps??? More likely a set of kickass rockers to propel us into the 2005/06 season. All the best, Exclaim! Cuppers! We hope y'all are avoiding the smog and cooling down rink side this summer.

A junior porcupine comes up in the ranks.

Sgt. Rock (Toronto): Since winning the GTHL Eh Division Championship and being presented with the Neilson Cup (made with loving skill by H-Lad Tommy Gough), Sgt. Rock have been taking the Cup wherever they go. The Neilson has been on a few excursions to local establishments and has actually just returned from a trip out to Vancouver and Calgary. It was dipped into the Pacific by Sgt. Mikey “Shakes” Mazeika and the Neilson is planned to make a few more trips before the Summer’s end.

In other Sgt. Rock news: the team is in training for the GTHLA divisional clash vs. the Winnipeg Wheatfield Souldiers on August 28th.

The Neilson Cup visits a rave, tries E, has sex with couple pictured above.

Songbird Millionaires (Ottawa): Millionaire Johnny Nivela is proud to announce that his balls work! The happy jizzer's lady gave birth to lovely Madeleine just after the Cup in April. A future right-winger? More Millionaire offspring are expected later this summer. The Unknown Wrestler has busied himself talking about female genitalia on national radio, offending the CBC bourgeoisie and pussy-lips Vees netminder Grant Lawrence. We'll see how long his radio career lasts. Millionaires Dave Draves & Chris Page have formed a new band called Camp Radio, which debuted at the Kelp Records 11th Anniversary Party in late May. Smoking stuff- expect an LP this fall! Exclaim Cup icon Blake Jacobs had not yet shaved his beard or been hospitalized for poutine/pogo overdose at press

time. In other news, Millionaires forward Jim “Bubbles” Bryson has been touring the continent with real-life Ottawa songbird millionaire Kathleen Edwards, including making an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, where Jim wore a Montreal Expos cap, and shook hands with Jay, Roger Ebert, and the new guy.

Victoria Humiliation (Toronto): The Humiliation players have been quite busy with numerous product endorsements since winning the Tier Three Championship. But rather than rest on their firm laurels, the team has flown to Moscow in preparation for next year's Summit, by enrolling in the Victor

Tikhonov Dry Land Training Hockey School.

Wheatfield Souldiers (Winnipeg): After capturing the Good Times Hockey League of the Arts Zed Division championship in May, the Wheatfielfd Souldiers have turned their attention to taking Eh Division champs Sgt. Rock down a notch or two. As such, the two trophy-laden squads are scheduled to meet in a one-game Battle of the GTHLA Champions contest on the afternoon of August 28, 2005. Win, lose or draw, both sides will get to keep their respective hardware (which will be on hand for the event), but some serious bragging rights remain on the line.

"I've heard that this match is being referred to as a 'friendly,'" says Souldiers captain Chuck Molgat, using his gnarled fingers to make those little quotation signs around the offending word. "Well, I guess we'll see about that. I can think of a few other F words that are probably going to apply."

The game has also been called a "mean-nothing" contest, as neither team's division status is likely to change come the beginning of next season. Sgt. Rock captain Jeremy Harris takes particular offence to that dismissive term.

"This game definitely means something," says Harris, on the pool-side phone from his swank digs on Toronto's trendy west side. "It means I get one less afternoon away from my freakin' pool, that's what it means. And it means I've got to listen to that bastard Molgat yapping out there on the ice. Christ, I'm glad those knobs are staying in the other tier next year. Now, if you don't mind, I've got some barbecue to attend to."

In other Souldiers news, it's been confirmed that forward Sean Brown will not be with the team next season on account of his recent trade to a Winnipeg-based rec team. Brown, along with his wife Katie and daughters Ella and Sadie (the latter of which just joined the family a few short weeks ago) will relocate back to the Manitoba capital in August.

Meanwhile, Souldiers alumni members Dave Brown and Jay Ward are on the move as well. Ward is scheduled to take up residence in Vancouver by summer's end. Once there, he hopes to connect with the Flying Vees for some shinny action and some possible pre-Exclaim! Cup scouting. Meanwhile, after a year in Alberta, Dave Brown is moving back to Toronto at summer's end and is expected to make a few appearances in his gold jersey over the following months. Brown, along with wife Nicole Rosen, recently celebrated the arrival of their first child, Oscar William.

V. E!HAA Player Profile: Patti Schmidt

Team: Montreal Ninja Tune Wicked Deadly Karate Chops

Hometown: Montreal.

Jersey number: 93.5

Nicknames: Schmitty, Schmatta, Cratta, Foxy Groundhog, WhiteHotFunkBot

Schmidtkenstein, schmidtzu (its sad, i know).

Shoots: Left

Position: Defense

Band(s): pest5000 (rip), The Nanobot Auxiliary Ballet and the Museum of Modern Insect Art with the Office of Woodland Security and the Evil House of Handshakes, Present: Tylenolandadida - the Deadly Ballerina - Featuring: Thechillbotslider, Thepushbuttonmaster, and the Whitehotfunkbot - and Introducing: The Doodads of Doom and the Recipe Box of Spells.

Day job: Executive Producer/Host of Brave New Waves CBC Radio Two - national and nightly (12:05 am - 4am)

Instruments played: bass-voice-stylophone-casio-pedals etc. (the doodads of doom)

How old were you when you learned how to skate / learned to play your

instrument?: Skating at 4 years / music at 24 years.

Who taught you?: My instinct to avoid falling taught me to skate (later this was followed up with competitive figure skating until 17, then, competitive girls hockey from 11-13 years old). Kevin Komoda was my patient music making mentor.

Greatest Hockey Moment: Winning the All League Championships three years running when I played as a kid (I was the goalie) and beating the Atom Level boys. Also, not being the worst player with the WDKC (though sometimes this is arguable).

Greatest Music Moment: Getting played by John Peel.

Your Hockey Hero: Rogie Vachon. Photo finish saves! The hot hand!

http://www.legendsofhockey.net:8080/LegendsOfHockey/jsp/SearchPlayer.jsp?player=18724, and Rogie Snag.

Your Rock n Roll Hero: David Thomas (Pere Ubu), Barbara Streisand, Ian Mackaye (Fugazi), Nick Cave, Kim Deal, um....i can't do this. just one?!

Favourite pre-show meal: Rolaids and beer.

Favourite pre-game meal: Rolaids, coffee, and a tuna sandwich.

Your most memorable moments of the Exclaim! Cup 2005: Winning and enjoying the Lady Bong award.

Your thoughts and solutions on the current NHL settlement: Skip it. Start a new league. Make it actually affordable. And broadcast the lady game.

One thing you would change with the Exclaim! Cup: Figure out a way to get more women onto teams.

Your next game: November, when we host a wee tourney.

Your next gig: September 15th at Galerie B-312. Which will debut the great folding wall of doodads. An art piece celebrating salvage culture and crappy robot-ery.

Exclaim! Cup 2006: April 13, 14, 15 & 16.

www.exclaimhockey.ca